


The Bald Spot is the Window to the Soul

by Official_Biscuit_Moron



Category: Gintama
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:55:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25258054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Official_Biscuit_Moron/pseuds/Official_Biscuit_Moron
Summary: “Gin-san has a nasty face,” Tae says, “A nasty soul, nasty habits, and his eyebrows are too far apart.”“ANEUE!” Shinpachi shrieks./ / /Aka Gintama's ensemble cast gets more contemplative, thought-provoking, and deep.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	The Bald Spot is the Window to the Soul

**Author's Note:**

> aka the Exact Opposite of my last fic. i do not know where this came from, enjoy

“Gin-san has a nasty face,” Tae says, "a nasty soul, nasty habits, and his eyebrows are too far apart.”

“ANEUE!” Shinpachi shrieks.

Kagura counters deftly, “Gin-chan has an alright face, but his personality twists it into a nasty face, uh-huh.”

“I am revolted by all men; however, Gintoki is sometimes slightly less revolting. I don’t bother to look at his face, though, when Tae-chan’s is right there,” Kyuubei points out, after considering it carefully.

“Not that I care,” Otose says, “but Gintoki looks like a smug, ugly cat.”

Offended, Catherine spits, “He does _not_ look like a cat! Stupid idiot deadbeat samurai! He looks like a fish! That slack jaw! Those glassy eyes!”

“But, Catherine-sama,” Tama reminds her, “They _do_ sparkle during his close-ups.”

Sacchan screams shrilly and launches herself into an incomprehensible rant that only Kyuubei tries to comprehend. Kyuubei gives her their serious and undivided attention for as long as they can stand not to give it to Tae - an impressive (and tiring) 3 seconds.

“Thanks,” Mutsu says, “But I really don’t care.”

Elizabeth holds up a sign that only Kyuubei reads. Kyuubei bobs their head in tentative agreement.

“Toshi,” Kondo asks fretfully, “Who’s Gin-san? Do we know a Gin-san?”

“Don’t worry about it, Kondo-san,” Hijikata tells him. “He’s just a smoking pile of garbage. Let’s go home.”

" _Anpan,_ " Yamazaki insists pressingly, wild-eyed and weak, to anyone who will listen. Unfortunately, no one listens.

Tsukuyo blushes and mumbles something under her breath that sounds a little bit like "his face isn't all _that_ ugly," but could just as easily have been, "he's a tall, bratty fugly," then spears Sacchan with a kunai for yelling at her to speak up.

Seita shouts, with all the gripping, idyllic wonder of youth, “GIN-SAN'S FACE IS COOL AND UNCLE-ISH!!”

Hinowa smiles benevolently and wisely refrains from commenting.

"Arf!" says Sadaharu, which translates roughly to 'I took a dump on his futon this morning, after breakfast, and it was satisfying and smooth.'

“I have to look at Gintoki’s crying face all the time,” Takasugi explains. “It pisses me off and it’s unnecessarily depressing.”

The madao spirals, spirals.

Gintoki nods and shrugs, unable to refute any of them, chipping in, “Gin-san is devilishly handsome in spirit - it’s just my face doesn’t reflect it. But, thanks to my years of dedicated calcium consumption, my soul has the most handsome face any of you idiots has ever seen. My soul is a sweet, strawberry milky wonderland - I mean- face, it's a sweet, strawberry milky face - and, like I've said many, many times before, the soul is really all that matters. You might actually pass out, if you looked at it. And- Oh, don't give me that, Otae! _Not_ from exhaustion or terror or whatever, you pitiless woman!! You would pass out from amazement, wonder and awe! At Gin-san's spiritual face, which is so very handsome, and like nothing you've ever seen before! That's right!! That, my friends, is true power of calcium!"

He finishes this rousing speech with a flourish and a triumphant, "Strawberry milkies, _unite_!!", hands clenched in righteous, indignant fists and raised to stab thrillingly at the air. Seita nods and whoops excitedly, caught up in his slipstream, and Tama gives a half-hearted but still supportive "Hurrah!"

“You look terrible today, Gintoki,” Zura offers, unmoved.

Gintoki’s nasty-and-alright-sometimes-not-revolting-smug-and-ugly-slack-jawed-glassy-eyed-but-sparkling-smoking-pile-of-garbage-cool-and-uncle-ish-unnecessarily-depressing-devilishly-handsome-in-spirit-but-terrible-today face brightens maniacally. “Does that mean I look not terrible other days? Huh?! Zura!”

“It’s not Zura, it’s Katsura!”

This proclamation sparks a heated debate about the relative ugliness of Gintoki’s ugly mug. (“So that means I’m ugly, then!” “No, Gin-chan, you’re just alright, with an ugly personality!”)

Tatsuma looks curiously around at them all.

He says, confused, “I think Kintoki’s face is super cute, even when he’s grumpy!”

In response to the couple of disgusted/disbelieving looks thrown his way, he graciously elaborates, “I mean, sure, he looks sorta vacant a lot of the time, ahaha. But that doesn't mean he's got a bad face!”

He's met with even more horrified stares. Frowning, he reveals, "I really like Kintoki's face. It's a nice face. You guys are so mean!"

Gintoki’s super-cute-even-when-he’s-grumpy-sorta-vacant-a-lot-of-the-time-but-not-bad-Tatsuma-approved-and-overall-nice face turns a frightening shade of red and is quickly and angrily hidden in his hands.

**Author's Note:**

> i am tatsuma tatsuma is me
> 
> (i'm aware the title is not related to the fic, i was going to put "the face is the window to the soul" then i realized i had this title stored away and i thought it was much better so ha ha victory triumph etc.)
> 
> (also for all of you who are disgusted by the plural of milky, 'milkies,' i assure you that you are not alone, i'm disgusted too)
> 
> (woahh another parentheses, here you go, petition to support blm: http://chng.it/9PYF47QnSL)


End file.
